Q&A: How can I overcome my fear of my children getting hurt or lost outdoors?
Where I answer a reader question about risky play
“I’m a stay-at-home mom to three boys (4.5, almost 2, and 7 months). I live in the metro Detroit area with access to loads of parks, green space, and trails which is awesome but because my kids are at very different ages and development stages I get very nervous to take them out to play out of fear that someone is going to get lost or hurt. Any tips on how to overcome these fears?”
- Meghan
Does this conundrum sound familiar?
Meghan sent me this question via email a while back and I’m publishing it here with her permission. I decided to share my answer (slightly edited) below, so that if you’re in the same situation, maybe you can benefit from it as well. As parents, we’re all in this together and I want to do all I can to help you get outside with your little ones.
In my experience, fear is a rather common barrier to outdoor play. I get it. We’re genetically wired to protect our progeny and the world can feel like a dangerous place for a child today. At the same time, it's important to know that many of these fears, while valid, aren't supported by research. On the contrary, outdoor play – including risky play – is essential for children’s development. Children benefit immensely from the freedom to explore, test boundaries, and take risks outdoors. This type of play not only helps them develop physical strength and coordination, but also builds their confidence, problem-solving skills, and emotional resilience. Researchers and experts on risky play recommend focusing on keeping as safe as necessary, not as safe as possible, since “bubble wrapping” children can hinder their growth and independence, making them less safe in the long run.
I know it can be hard to let go of fears surrounding outdoor play but try to remember that your insecurities have nothing to do with your child’s abilities. Most neurotypical children are very capable of seeking out exactly the challenges their bodies crave and can handle. Accidents will happen from time to time, but it’s rare for children to get seriously hurt or lost while playing outdoors.
These are some general, practical steps you can take to gradually overcome your fears:
Take baby steps. I always recommend starting small – allow your child to engage in activities that push their (and your!) limits just a little and practice standing back and giving them the space and freedom to play. As you watch them navigate these situations, you'll hopefully begin to see how capable they really are and feel more comfortable giving them more freedom to explore.
Follow your child’s lead. Don’t push your child to take risks that they’re not comfortable with, but don’t hold them back either. You’ll find the sweet spot when you tune in to your child and follow their lead.
Find your posse. Try to band together with other parents who encourage outdoor play to share experiences and support one another. For example, meet up for nature play and gain strength and a feeling of security with more eyeballs on the kids.
Three kids under the age of 5 can be a handful for anybody, especially for a lone parent outdoors. In this case, consider keeping your youngest either in a wrap or carrier to free up your hands. Your 4.5-year-old can start practicing staying within a given perimeter, for example when you’re at the park. Walk the imaginary boundary together and reiterate that he must stay on this or that side of the trees/rocks/fence/playground equipment/other landmark. (This is a common practice at Swedish preschools when they take a group of 15-20 kids into the forest.) You can also tell him that he is free to run ahead of you on the trail/roam the playground, as long as he keeps you within his line of sight. This is a good way for him to practice freedom with responsibility and being attentive to your whereabouts.
The 2-year-old is the one that will likely need the most attention, since that’s an age when kids can be quick on their feet and still may not take much direction from an adult. But again, remember that outdoor play is a completely normal part of children’s development and that it’s extremely rare for a child to get lost or seriously hurt in those situations. You can also practice a buddy system for the older two, guiding them to hold hands in situations when you need them to stick together. In Sweden, it’s common to see lines of preschool children walking in pairs in urban areas, with one teacher in the lead and one in the back keeping them all together.
For more guidance and support in terms of overcoming your fears, risky play researcher Mariana Brussoni has some great resources on her site Outside Play, including a toolkit for parents. I can also recommend Lenore Skenazy’s Let Grow organization, though her tools may be a little more geared toward older children and their parents.
Remember, it's natural to worry – but trust that a little risk is part of what helps children grow into strong, capable individuals!
The Open-Air Life is growing
In a little over a month, this newsletter has grown by over 400 subscribers – woohoo! Considering how many people are vying for attention online these days, I’m honored that you’ve chosen to share this space with me. This is currently a monthly newsletter, but according to a survey that I sent out recently, as many as 72% of you would like to receive it twice monthly or even more frequently. (If you haven’t taken the survey yet, you can do that here.) I’d LOVE to spend more time inspiring people to get outside, so if you find this newsletter useful and are able to, would you consider pledging to become a paid subscriber? I haven’t turned on the paid subscription feature yet and you won’t be charged until I do, but your pledge would send a signal to me that you value my writing and that I’m on the right track. Thank you!
See you outside!
Linda
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You might also like…
These are OUR lands - and they need us
Do not disturb, do not destroy
Finding freedom in nearby nature
Fear, ignorance and convenience are the enemies of outdoor recess
Before you go...
I have a curated selection of some of my favorite children's outerwear at Outdoor School Shop. When you shop through the link, I earn a small commission at no extra cost to you. Check out the Rain or Shine Mamma shop at ODSS here.
I've published two books: There's No Such Thing as Bad Weather and The Open-Air Life. If you enjoyed them, you can help others find them by leaving an Amazon review here and here respectively.
I often get interviewed about outdoor play and nature connection at various podcasts. You can find all the episodes I've participated in here.
Do you have a book club or head up a nature play community? I love doing virtual author visits! Just hit reply to this message to connect.
I do virtual speaking events for corporations, non-profits and online summits. You can read more about that here.
Do YOU have something going on in the nature connection space that you think this community should hear about? If so, hit 'reply' and let me know what you're up to - I'd be happy to share!
This is a great question and you've answered it wonderfully, Linda. Congrats on your growing community!